A Kitchen Empty

It is sheer agony to lose anyone, even worse when the person was the love of your life. The grief affects everything, including cooking and eating, How does one survive? Can he or she get through and go back to creating and eating favorite recipes?

That was the question raised today in Amelia Nierenberg's article in today's New York Times Food section.Ms. Nierenberg often writes about the intersections about food and culture. How does eating and mourning pair up? she has found answers from grief counselors and groups who help widows and widowers cope with the loss of not just a spouse but a cooking and restaurant partner. New York grief counselor, Jill Cohen says that  cooking alone could be considered the sixth stage of grief, a take on Elisabeth Kubler-Ross disputed theory The Five Stages of Grief. Bereavement counselors said that it's only been in the last decade that academics and professionals have been directly addressing the relationship between grieving and food. Many widows (which now is a gender neutral term) found not only eating a chore but also cooking. It is the men who have to learn or relearn how to boil  and roast along with shopping properly for themselves. They went  directly from their mothers' kitchens to their wives.

Yet it is the loneliness that can be devastating. Gone are the conversations, and the companionship that every meal once had. Some just don't eat, their sorrow is that overpowering. Some had trouble swallowing, their throats constricting forcing them to eat almost nothing. Weight losses of up to seventy-one pounds have been reported. Deborah Stephens of Irmo, South Carolina lived on just a cup of coffee in the morning and a cheese stick in the afternoon. Another could only stand the tastes of popcorn and chocolate. Thankfully there are cooking groups that help alleviate the loneliness.  The Chicago suburbs has Culinary Grief Therapy which grew out of a study following a widow's difficulties eating, shopping and cooking. From there, the lead author of the study, Heather Nickrand created a spin off entitled Culinary Grief Therapy which uses demonstrations and group discussions over meals on how to shop, cook and eat for one. The recipes are simple with roasted veggies in olive oil and a simple roast chicken. It's a good way to connect with others and develop new friendships.

It is tough to lose someone. It is even tougher to continue, yet there are ways to cope. They involve grief  therapy where  new ways and even better new friendships are cultivated.

If someone close to you is grieving, please check in on them. Go food shopping with them, take them out to dinner every now and then, but most of all make sure they're eating - and eating properly.